Dazed and Confused

Have you ever woke up in the morning, looked around at the world, and found yourself being very disoriented?

This could describe a Sunday morning after a long night at the bars or it could be a description of how I really feel this morning.

And it's hard to put into words. But if I were to find just one word, it would be disbelief.

I find it hard to believe that I went to dinner with my wife last night and our babysitter was my "niece" who was only born a year or two ago, but has somehow managed to become a beautiful, responsible teenager. And today, the oldest child that she cared for as we dined last evening, was just dropped off at the kindergarten, where his scholastic career officially begins today. And how they can accept "babies" at school theses days? My little boy cannot be a little man already. he certainly is mature enough, but chronologically I can't believe that it is time for him to move into the world and begin to make his mark already.

And to make matters worse, my little girl was dropped off at daycare today. She can't be old enough already, can't be ready for daycare yet. Shes still daddy's baby girl. I have no fear of her being well taken care of, but she just can't be ready for this step. In two years and a couple months, we have not spent but maybe, and I mean maybe, three pieces of a day away from daddy. How did the time get here so quickly? I wasn't ready for this; I haven't prepared...

So in my attempt to cope with the new found absence of my children and this suddenly quiet house, I get on the Internet to see what is going on in the rest of the world. I try to escape my temporary sorrow until I better adjust, and I need a distraction. And nothing fits that bill as the Internet does.

But I find that my "escape" has turned out to have the quality of the tilt-a-whirl at the carnival; further causing vertigo and inducing nausea. Instead of helping me to find a barometer to measure reality or a compass on which to right my spinning head, I find myself even more confused and now wondering which direction is up and if my left hand is still on the left side of my body. Is up really up and is red still red? As I read the headlines and grow more confused, I look around to see if I am alone; for at this point I fully expect Rod Serling to walk into the room, smoking a cigarette, and describe my setting and how I have now entered the realm of the Twilight Zone.

The headlines and stories in the news destroy my concept of logic. Just as my children and their sudden arrival to their current stage in life has destroyed my concept of time and all things chronological.

My head reels as I read of someone killing someone because they oppose of their victim's killing of someone else. The logic seems to escape me. And lost in the story is that murder is only murder in certain cases, and those cases depend on legislation instead of morality. Otherwise murder is a choice if found within the confines of the law; so murder may or may not be a depraved moral or ethic.

Then I read that the citizens tax dollars are being further used to "bail out" a struggling auto maker, bringing the total to $50 billion in aid; and that the company that received the aid has now filed bankruptcy. From what I remember and understand, receiving money helps fight bankruptcy, not hurry along the process. I thought that lack of funds caused bankruptcy, not an increase. And I read now that a "private" company will now have the U.S. as 60% owner, Canada as 12% owner, a union health trust(whatever that is) will be 17.5% owner, and the bond holders will own 10%. I'm not told who owns the remaining.5% but I assume that is what is left of the "private" sector.

But is it the "private" sector? I thought that I spoke and read English, and that we haven't converted to Spanish or Chinese, yet; but for some reason I find myself not understanding the terms. Now my sense of communication is distorted. Private sector? Private? Sector? And if government interferes with one or two companies, or five or six banks, is it still private? Or is only part of the private sector personally owned or do we need to redefine the temrms? But any redefinition of terms implies political implications and leads to bias for or against an official entity that is supposedly impartial and judicially sound. But that cannot be certain if there is partial interferefcne to a sector that is privately owned; even if the private owners are the public government. So what is private? And I need to know; I just sent a kid to kindergarten telling him that a certain area on his body is referred to as "privates" because we keep the area and all language dealing with said area, to ourselves. It's not a bad area, just an personal area. Should we call that region of our anatomy our "mixed sector" now? According to cable t.v. it isn't very private anymore anyway.

So now being thoroughly confused, I decide to finish my blog and go to the gym. Maybe a good workout will take my mind of of all that troubles me and help me to clear my head. I only hope that when I do my bench press exercise that it will work out my arms and chest and not my legs; for at least that is how the language and application of force once worked on the human body.

But I am pretty dizzy still yet, and a little too nauseous to walk. Maybe this man standing in the corner of my room, in the dark suit and the uni brow, will be kind enough to drop me off at the YMCA when he steps out to get a fresh pack of smokes. If not, I may just call for the men in the white suits to come and give me a lift.