One Reader Writes

A few days ago,a reader posted a comment asking for a discussion on interracial dating/marriage, should you discuss birth control with teens, and teens in regard to starting dating. The comment was that these topics came up in some conversations and are topics of interest to some of the readers of this blog. I sincerely want to write about things that cause us to think, and have expressed my desire for this blog to have a sense of purpose. I also want to do my best to answer questions and discuss topics that are not only relevant, but topics that are of interest to the readers. With all of that being said, I will do my best to give my two cents on these topics. Feel free to add any comments or start any discussion, whether you agree with my views or not. Leave comments here or at The Readers of The Self-Inflicted Blog, on Facebook. It is an open group that anyone may join:

I will begin with the third topic first: "Teens in regards to starting to date." I don't feel that there is a set age for a teenager to begin dating. I think the age depends on the maturity of the teens involved, as well as the character of the teens involved. Teens wish to be treated as individuals and hate to be lumped together as a group, and just called teens. Maybe not in matters that generalize a demographic, but in matters that would generalize individuality. My kids are two years old and five years old, and already hate to be lumped together as "you kids"; but prefer to be addressed as individuals. So acknowledge the teens individuality and consider dating based on their individual maturity and their personal character. When we give the kids a magic age of sixteen or eighteen, they can feel like it's just another rule. Encourage kids to make well thought out decisions and to look at all of the causes and effects of their decisions; based upon their ability and maturity. This will better develop character.

On a side note, be aware of what your kids watch on television. Many of the "kids programs" and Disney stuff can cause some kids to grow up too fast; or at least pretend to grow up too fast. My five year old is very susceptible to shows like iCarly, where preteens and teens talk entirely too much about dating and breaking up and throw words like boyfriend and girlfriend around way too much for my taste. Ive seen some of the Hannah Montana junk and it's dangerous to some kids as well. They place kids in positions of career, responsibility, and relationships without ever teaching them anything of value. Many of the shows have kids and adults living vicariously through the other; never focusing on the reality of relationships or dynamics of reality. These shows can be counterproductive, depending on what and how you teach your children...and that's just the condensed version of my views in this matter.

The next topic of " Should you discuss birth control with teens?": I believe the answer is yes; especially if the teen asks about the issue first. My wife and I believe that if a child is old enough or inquisitive enough to ask a question, then they deserve an answer. We try to raise our kids with this philosophy. Now the depth of the answer depends on the maturity of the child, obviously. There is no need to confuse or muddy the waters, nor is there any reason to cause any child, or person, to feel dumbed down by any answer that they may receive.

I have done youth ministry for over ten years and I feel that there are no taboo topics to discuss with teens, especially if they are doing the asking. I believe that you must use discretion as to when and how to introduce some topics, all things have a time and place, but I feel that there should be no topic that cannot be discussed.

A topic like birth control is no different. I do feel that it is a topic that can be discussed in general with teens, but when it involves specifics or more personal talk, they are best advised to take this up with their parents; and I would advise the teens to do such. But all kids do not have the luxury of caring or understanding parents, and I would treat each case personally and individually.

As to my opinion of birth control for teens, I always teach from an abstinence point of view. I realize that that may not be very pragmatical, but I believe it is Biblical, and the Bible and God is where I get my wisdom and guidance. But to just tell a kid that they should not take birth control and that they should just practice abstinence is not enough. These are personal, serious issues that cannot be looked at or taught as just another rule to follow with no real reason for the "why" to follow. You have to focus on the relationships. You have to teach about love. Without the relationship with God and without love, all of our acts are reduced to merely acts that are performed in order to satisfy a dynamic of our psyche. I realize that I sound "old-fashioned" and maybe close-minded to some, but I have found these things to be true in my life as well as in the life of others. And it really isn't a matter of narrow-mindedness in my opinion, it's what is best for the kids.

Teen pregnancy is a big problem. And the ages of pregnant moms get younger and younger. I have witnessed c-sections on eleven year old girls; on more than one occasion. An eleven year old's body cannot handle birth control; at least not healthily. Kids have to be taught about relationships, and no more important relationship than the one with a loving God. We are advised and commanded to wait until marriage for reasons that God reveals and teaches, not just because someone said so; and abstinence should be taught from that perspective.

I have also told pregnant teens that being pregnant and having a child is no sin; so enjoy and love the child. The premarital sex is the sin that was committed; regardless of the pregnancy. Don't let a social stigma burden you. We all sin, some sins have more serious repercussions, but we all have sin. Take it to God, focus on your relationship with Him, and allow Grace to work in your life. Nothing is worse than treating an unwed mother like they are a scourge on society; and little more is hypocritical.

As for the question of interracial dating/marriage, I cannot find it anywhere in the Bible or in my quiet time with God, as to where interracial marriage is wrong or a sin. I have actually had a preacher tell me that he believed it was a sin and gave a couple of verses; but it was easy to see that he was trying to rationalize his own sin and prejudice. God warned the Jews not to marry outside of Jews at "that" time because He knew that marrying pagans would lead to practices that would dilute their worship and affect their relationships with God. And I guess that the preacher ignored the entire book,"The Song of Solomon"; a romance/love story between a Jewish king and a Shulamite servant; who was black. But prejudice is ignorance and if you practice it, it clouds your view of the truth.

On the modern interracial relationship; the view I take depends on the maturity and character of the individuals involved. I realize that it is beginning to sound like a cop-out, but I am sincere in my approach to serious issues. It would be more difficult to encourage interracial dating to someone who is not mature enough to handle the extra dynamics that are involved in an interracial relationship; but by no means can I teach or advise that it is wrong. But because something is permissible doesnt make it beneficial, to simplify some words from Paul. But it is also difficult to tame the heart in matters such as these. There is fine line sometimes, as there are in any issue.

Interracial relationships are not for everyone, but for many it is not an issue that causes problems. Geography, culture, community, and the like, are more highlighted sometimes, but minimal in other situations. But never is interracial relationships to be considered sinful or not acceptable. We should teach and advise against prejudice, and true love has no hint of bias; in our relationship with God as well as others. God can certainly have the mate He chooses for you to be of a different skin color. And we are certainly capable of loving someone for who they are, not loving basd on a skin tone.

I realize that these are general answers/opinions to some hot topics; but time and space won't allow for much more depth. but notice that all of these things, as well as all things in our lives, involve relationships; both with God and with others. Don't ignore or forget the lesson that Jesus tried to teach those He encountered, over and over.

Maybe this will get the ball rolling and open up some discussions. I hope I was clear and concise. If not, feel free to ask questions; and feel free to leave any comments you wish!