Peanuts: Our Newest Pariah!

A few weeks ago I read that some sporting venues were going to "Peanut Free Seating". Now I've heard of handicapped seating and smoke free sections and can understand the "hows and whys" of such seating, but never would I have imagined "Peanut Free Seating" would be a reality.

I was a little confused by this so I asked my mother what her take on this was. And realize that this is a person who can find a way for anything, and I mean anything, to kill you. Hard candy, a teaspoon of water, baby shampoo; theses are all potential killers to her. And you know what her take on this peanut free thing was? "Ridiculous" and "Whats the point?"

So peanuts received a relatively low score on the "potential death factor" test. Now I decided to try to get the behind the scenes, low-down on this peanut free issue. For this aspect, I approached the expert on all subjects great and small, Rupert Cadell. He is a very intelligent, albeit eccentric, friend of mine. He's to me, what Slats Grobnik was to Mike Royko. And Rarely is there a theme that Rupert doesn't have an opinion on, with or without any factual basis.

"There are actually two movements at work here," Rupert told me. "One is a very racist movement set out to discredit any person of any color."
"A racist movement involving peanuts?" I asked unbelievably. This is rich, even for Rupert. "I don't think that i follow you"
" When you think of peanuts and uses for peanuts, who is the first person that comes into your mind?"
" Jimmy Carter. I knew it! I knew that he..."
" No. Not Jimmy Carter," my friend interupted. "Think of a scientist"
"Oh", I said. "You mean George Washington Carver"
"And was he a person of color?" Rupert asked with a sly grin on his face.
"Now thats ridiculous! Even for you Rupert"
"Oh, I agree," my buddy said in a more serious tone. " And it's not my kind of thing, mind you. I find no reason or rationale behind racism. Its a sign of ignorance and..."
" I know where you stand on racism, Rupert." I said interupting my friend. " I mean that this is a far-fetched conspiracy theory"
" Maybe so. But what was the first venue that you heard of that would be considering going to 'peanut free seating?"
" Some kind of auto racing, Nascar or Busch series something or other I believe"
"And what are the roots of auto racing in America?" Rupert asked while that same sly smile came back to his face.
"I'm not getting any deeper into this, Rupert. What is the other movement you were speaking of?"

"The other movement behind the peanut ban is the religeous right", Rupert said with quiet confidence.
"o.k. lets hear this one," I said.
" This crusade is a little more intelligent. We also have a smoke free issue at work."
"A smoke free issue?"
"Yes, and a tax issue as well" Rupert stated.
"Where is this heading? I'm not as bright as you are, Rupert. Can you spell it out for me?" I answered as I began to remember how one can only take my friend Rupert in small doses.
"Its modern day prohibition, my friend! Thats what the religeous right is trying to revitalize, prohibition!", my friend said now more emphatically.
"I'm gonna regret this, but how do you come up with this? Wheres the proof?" I asked.
"First they placed a 'sin' tax on alcohol, only they called it something different. This began to increase revenue ahead of time, to help offset the loss of tax when alcohol would be abolished"
"Where does the smoke free and peanut free come in?" I asked.
"Don't interupt me and I'll tell you, Rupert chided. "Soon after the extra tax on alcohol, the religeous right and the government agencies that were working with the religeous right set their sights on gaining more revenue on a product that would remain after the riddance of alcohol. And that product was tobacco. They figured that they could make tobacco seem even more sinister than alcohol, but not so much morally, so they attacked it in a fiscal theater. They discussed the overburdened health care system and also pretended to care abut the health of the smokers. Im sure you know most of the isssue with tobacco and big government, I just wanted to point out the inauspicious..."
"I know about the overtaxed smoker if thats what you mean. I'm not real sure about this conspiracy thing though. And where do peanuts fit in?"
"I'm getting to it", Rupert answered abruptly." Soon after the taxation began to fill the coffers which would offset the loss of alcohol revenue, they continued on the health issue. They began to make smoke free seating sections and smoke free facilities but this was falling short of the goal of prohibition. So they moved onward to smoke free cities. This was the only way they could get smoking out of obvious places that smoking would exist, like bars and taverns, further attacking the psychological facet of the smoker while trying to moralize through the discreditation of alcohol and it's consumer."
"I find it hard to believe that Christians are in cahoots with the government and would be behind such a thing, Rupert. And where do the peanuts come in?" I asked as I began to really tire of this conversation.
"I said the religeous right, I never mentioned Christians. I do wish you would listen. And as far as the peanuts, think of what sits in bowls on bartops in taverns all across America..."
"Good grief, Rupert! This is where peanuts fit in?", I interupted.
"You don't think of it as being an issue now, but remember that an entire mountain begins to be moved by first beginning with a small stone."

After researching this "peanut free seating" issue and meeting with the experts I came up with some thoughts of my own. My initial thoughts were on the obvious things, like going to a ballgame and not eating peanuts and if I did eat peanuts, would i be ostracized? And I wondered what song they would sing during the seventh inning stretch since 'Take Me Out To The Ballgame' mentions peanuts. Would they have to rewrite the song? Or find a new song to sing? I know that it can be very trendy to hate tradition, but there are some traditions that it is unimagineable to upheave in our hearts and minds.

Is it necessary to create all of these special seating sections? I understand the smoking issue and the health problems from second hand smoke. And one person's rights can end where another person's begins and all of that stuff. But peanut free? Does the mere presence of peanuts cause health issues? Is the peer pressure of eating peanuts so great that we are tempted to partake even if it may cost us our lives? Are there really psychological issues that arise when a non-peanut person comes into contact with a peanut person? Aren't we, as a race, more resilient than all of this?

And my conversation with Rupert gave birth to some new thoughts. Not that I believe all of that conspiracy stuff, mind you. But it does make me realize how easy it is to find a conspiracy if one is given time and opportunity. We can formulate any manner of hysteria in our minds, even without the help of Oliver Stone.

I think about how easy it is to start a new crusade. And how many crusades there are in the world. How many people develop opinions that are not based in fact, or even based in any necessity to our being. And I wonder about how much better we would all be without all of these crusades. We would have less to talk about around the water cooler, that is probable. But would we be missing much of anything? Other than another argument over another person's perspective.

Issues like "Peanut Free Seating" are never as simple as their title implies. And there are usually alot of angles and legalities behind the motives of such crusades/movements. And they usually open a Pandora's box to some degree; and are such slippery slopes once we begin to walk down the pathway.

And all of this makes me wonder what is the standard by which we measure all things; and who devised such standard. And what are these things based upon?