Hello! I'm Depression

Im not feeling like myself today, so I have asked a guest writer to step in for me and jot down a few notes and observations:

Hello! I first would like to thank Ronnie for succumbing to my will and allowing me to have a much larger voice than he normally allows me to have. It took some hard work on my part, and I had to keep him pressed under my thumb pretty tightly in order to wear him down, but the perseverance and twenty four-seven treatment that I doled out over the years has paid off. So now I "have the floor", so to speak. So to all of you who have come to hear my "motivational speech", I bid welcome.
Registration in the form of a list is located by the back door and there is no concern for the fees and usual surcharges that accompany these type of speeches and workshops. Frankly, you cannot afford me anyway. And I have ways of extracting payments that come due, plus interest.
So now that the formalities are out of the way, I guess an introduction is in order. Some of you already know me, many of you claim to know me but really do not, and fewer of you have had the experience of living with me...and even less of you admit to my presence in their lives.
My name is depression.
I have many clinical names and many people who fancy themselves as being briliant have given me sub-titles and classifications; but all of that is really immaterial. I am what I am to those who suffer, excuse me, I mean "experience", me and my means and ways. It can be said that their suffering is relative and that we are all only experiences and chemical processes. And that is the first thing I do when trying to introduce myself to someone, reduce their humanity. I much prefer people to think of themselves as processes and compounds. If they see themselves as merely science or evolved compounds, this will reduce the persons view of being an inividual, human being. This aid in lessening the human spirit and the minimizes the fight to survive, at least in most cases. I might also add that the reduction of human spirit then leads to the false pretense of "natural healing" or " new age" spirituality, and these means are, in effect, substituting some transcendental-type philosophy; a philosophy of big words and notions, with no actual value. When this occurs, a person has managed to psychologically convince themselves of their healing, which prolongs the actual healing process; and in all reality, renders the victim, I mean person, incapable of finding a real cure to any spiritual need. There is no real cure to be found in philosophy or complex theories or big words or notions of a supreme being without a name or moral code. It is merely a spiritual placebo that the user is self administering. Luckily, many people travel down this rode as they appease their intellect and their rely on their own strength. And folks, Im here to tell you that we will win this spiritual battle every single time, just as people prolong their cures and insert false beliefs; even though they have convinced themselves that they are sincere and correct. This is how I further diminish the person to feeling alone, not only in this world, but in the entire universe. This causes a feeling of deprevity of being, and leads to one feeling more insignificant.
Speaking further on spiritaulity, I must warn you not to try to take on the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit. Ultimately they are the real enemy to our cause. They cannot be defeated by us. We can however cause enough grief, doubt, pain, and confusion that a man can feel abandoned by the Trinity. Make no mistake, this is only an image we can place in a man's mind, we cannot truly defeat anyone in this realm. Luckily for us many have replaced God with science, money, power, pride,and ego so we generally have little resistance from most people in the spiritual realm. And we can conquer all of the substitutes. On a side note, I have yet to understand why God allows this suffering and let's His people suffer so much in the realm of mentality. I am only thankful that He does. But none the less,He is the real enemy, and will be yours also, if you decide to aid me in my quest to infect millions. There is no substitute for Him in anyone's life, and His power is endless and beyond our comprehension. And I wish to discuss Him no further, for He opposes all that we do and even the mention of His name can have adverse effects on many of those who I have already afflicted. My desire is to keep my "patients" in the dark in this area, and their lives will remain dark; and darkness is where I am nurtured best.
So we have focused on the spiritual aspect of my purpose. But it is not the only aspect of one's personality that must be encountered. And in all reality, many people who experience me do not even realize that they have a spiritual facet to their personality. They feel that the cure is scientific and secular. So rarely does one have to enter the realm of the spiritual; but heed my words if there are those who come across the odd spiritual man every now and again. And one does find himself embroiled in a spiritual conflict of amounting to much more than a pillow fight, then they are at my disposal, an earthly prince who can enter the realm of battle and do a much more effective job of hurting and disarming than I can. We are indeed cohorts, and you may receive his services as part of the workshop today, but I must speak of a small disclaimer, that I am, in deed, under his jurisdiction, for lack of a better word. It's true that we work hand in hand, but he is the real master of pain; Im merely a protege. Any further word or battle of the spiritual aspect should be directed to him and his minions in the room directly below us. Those interested may visit after we break for lunch, and then check out the brochures and payment plan.
So the necessary formalities and jurisdictions are out of the way. I have told you what can and can't be done on my part. So now for the what can be done before the break:
I am a personality disorder. I am very complex. I begin as a chemical reaction, or lack thereof, and can manifest myself into the physical realm. In some cases, I can cause real physical pain,fatigue, anguish, and irrationality. I can cloud thoughts and confuse emotions as an individual tries to sort out the images and ideas that I project onto their minds. I can start out very small and snowball into something very large; even to the point of suicide, my ultimate goal. To ignore me is unwise and unsafe to any individual, but a welcome opening for me to grow. As I grow, I can manifest myself as paranoia, schitzophrenia , phobia, and hatred. Emotions are my playground. I can lead to false emotions or heightened sense of reality that causes one to enter the realm of the unreal. I can devour parts and pieces of one's personality, while nurturing and developing other facets of one's being. I can be black and white, up and down, left or right; all at the same time. I can kill parts of a man, while giving birth to another part. I can substitute, insert, inject, withdraw, retreat, or lay dormant.
I buy my time with thoughts and notions. I am a process.
And not only can I affect the life of an individual, I can affect the lives of all of those around someone who has "experienced" me and my lifestyle. I can break up marriages, cause distrust among friends, and cause children and parents to alienate each other. I can deteriorate and destroy the strongest of relationships. By causing one to struggle, if I select the appropriate being, I can reach many, by working in the life of only one. How is that for efficiency? I can destroy a family, a church congregation, or a workplace. I can poison society and culture. I can even spread like a germ or bacteria. And oh, the added benefits of the guilt that piles on an individual that i dwell in...
There are many more aspects of my mass destruction, but this seminar focuses on only mental and spiritual warfare of the individual. You may see some residual affects as a result of this course, but for the real deal on massive hurt and pain, that course will be offered in a more advanced seminar to be given at a later date. So back to the scenarios involving an individual:
I am so powerful that some people are even hesitant to let me go from their lives; regardless of my cost or hurt. I become a crutch for many. As they lay themselves on the train tracks of their life, I am the speeding train coming to run completely over them; as they watch helplessly! I tell people that I am part of their individuality and the creative part of themselves, and they understand it to be true; because there is some truth to it. As I develop pieces of one's personality, I make myself indispensable to one's psyche. I grow like rust. And though I begin subtlety and sheepish, I can become as that of a roaring lion. I shred my "patients" to pieces, either slowly or all of a sudden.
I can cause a man to feel completely alone in a crowded room.
I can aid in the solitary feeling being misunderstood.
I am addictive, and like the deadliest drug, I will kill.
My power can block love; even manipulate those emotions. I can muddle anger, hope, pessimism, and love into a muddy wad of an emotional nothingness.
As a catalyst for emotions. I can make something into nothing and turn nothing into an ordeal.
I can cause emotions to run so high that they are unable to be felt, rendering the "patient" numb. I can cause heat that freezes and cold that burns.
Silence is my language as voice is mute.
I hurt a man so badly that I feel comfortable to those deeply afflicted. I'm common ground. I'm all some people know. Im the secret part of man that he's hesitant to share because he needs me as i have became part of his personality. For a man to rid himself of me, is like removing a limb; I'm the arm of his conscience.
I cause those who experience me to be smug towards those who do not know me. I let people feel that they, and they alone, have cornered the market on pain and hurt. No one understands the other. Every person's case of myself is different than another's experience, causing me to be afforded great power.
I am so powerful and have such a broad realm that many people openly invite me into their lives. Many people use my "benefits" as a means not to cope with life. Many individuals need my "benefits' to afford them a lazy lifestyle. There are those who are proud to say that they have experienced me, even have gladly given me a back room in their personality to set up a homestead. There are those who flaunt my presence in their lives so that they may acquire pity and attention. I am an excuse for failure to many. And people like this, I have to do very little work, and have even less use for. They are merely statistics. They are not truly experiencing me. They do not appeal to me, for they are no real conquest. Those who are too frightened to commit suicide, again, my ultimate goal, are useless to me. I have no need to win the lazy, nor the spiritual bankrupt. There is little profit in their useless souls.
But pity on the man who tries to defeat me. Heaven alone can help the man who sincerely wants to rid me from their life. This is a darkness that those who only have a lip service of me, can understand. Those who mimic my symptoms and copy the grief of others are fools. Don't get me wrong, I will take them all; but my pride in them as a trophy is minimal at best.
So if you are seeking to conquer those who take a handful of pills instead of fighting, live off of the state, or are over anxious to experience me, this may not be the seminar for you. This seminar is for those who want to hunt, dwell in, and destroy man for enjoyment. This is for the hard-core who want death, not for the casual entity that merely wants to scratch and bite...
We will take a short recess as you take inventory of yourself and those around you. If killing isn't your business, then there is a seminar on the self-pity of man, just around the corner. If those around you only long for attention and excuse, then may I suggest a course that studies man's decision making and how he blames me, depression, for HIS decisions. It will be offered next semester at a discount rate, due to the popularity of the material.
If there are those who wish to further this lesson, and really desire winning the tough battles for the sake of total destruction of a person, we will reconvene in twenty minutes.
T-shirts, bumper stickers, and audio books available conveniently in the lobby ...
Excuse me for a few moments as I enter a remission-like state and allow Ronnie to think he is in control of his life once again....



This is a very difficult thing for me to write about, but I feel it is necessary. Depression is a very real disease that affects many people both directly or indirectly. If any one who reads this TRULY understands this, please seek help! Put aside pride, fear, arrogance, shame, guilt, finacial concern,and the anxiety of what others will think of you and get help. Pass this along to anyone who may need help, even to those who don't suffer from depression but live with or deal with someone with depression. And if I can be of any assistance, please let me know.

Thoughts For Republicans

I have no intention of analyzing any election day results and have less interest in declaring it historic although it was one of the more interesting election days, on many levels. Instead of any analysis, I offer some of my "two-cents" to the Republican party.

Congratulations on your victories, but remember that you have the majority in only one piece of the governmental pie; the Presidency and the Senate are still going to offer roadblocks to many plans. There is much work to do ahead! And frankly, the GOP has not been very stellar in it's track record of "righting wrongs" for lack of a better phrase, over the past six or eight years. I believe the last couple of years may have served as a wake up call and hope for better things in the future.

And speaking of wake up call, please realize that the victories this election cycle are not victories for the Grand Old Party, but a warning against those in power. Now the onus is on you.; at least in the House. You must prove capable of fully utilizing this surge, if you will. No more pledges to America or other nonsensical bombast. Just do your jobs; represent the country. And if you really mean "smaller government" don't just pick and choose where the smaller serves your purpose. Stay true to the ideologies that best represent those of us who are conservative and long for real leadership and direction.

We need new ideas and new direction. We need to know that "we the people" have a role in changing things also. We need less interference in our lives so that we can freely do such. The people have responsibility in the direction of our nation and we need to be held accountable. Washington can't fix everything and should not be expected to do such. So hold us accountable just as we will hold you accountable. Let's really and truly form a partnership between the people and the government, and not just in words or phony pledges.

And speaking of partnership, try to find a way to reach across the aisle and work with those who have a more liberal philosophy. Extend hands to the Democrats and offer sit-down meetings to try to understand the other's philosophy. I don't think that we will find many pragmatic ways to bridge the two ideologies together, but we can at least try to see the other side as human; and not as that of an enemy. This is an opportunity to help bring about an end to all of the polarization in our country. This an opportunity to see that most people are in the middle of the political spectrum and that we want a government to reflect such. This will be hard, especially for us who are on the far right or left, but we can still make an honest attempt. No person is our enemy and we are all Americans.

I have many more thoughts, but not much time. I know that this is probably not the most concise or gathered letter, but I hope what I am trying to convey comes out plainly. I hope that today is the day that we all begin to work together and find our roles and make this country even greater than it is!

Fearless Election Predictions

Tomorrow is a big election day and I'm sure most experts, pundits, bloggers, and other three-cent titular folks have many a prediction. And there is nothing different for yours truly; I have some predictions as to some of the outcomes for November 2nd.

The first prediction is a "fer sure" bet: Some folks will be delighted by the outcomes and others will be angered. I will stake my, umm, reputation on this. The thing to remember that is pertinent to this "fact" is that we must remain civil and respectful. At least in public and to the public. I realize that many of you are thinking of the pot calling the kettle black right now, but I am a changed man. Name calling and venom spitting will not accomplish anything except further polarization in our culture and community. So fuss, cuss, or call Gus so he can cuss for all of us, all you want in your own home, you have that right. But try to use a little discretion when communicating with others. You will catch more flies with honey than bile, every time!

Before my next predictions I have to throw some disclaimers out there. First, I am lousy at predictions. I can analyze data and do a respectable job with concepts and basic algorithms, but I'm just not much of a prognosticator; and not sure I can even spell that without "spell-check". I also have to admit that I predicted that Ryan Leaf would be a better quarterback than Peyton Manning, so prophecy is not much of a gift in these areas. I also have to admit that I have not followed politics or news with much fervor recently. So with all of that said, I do predict that The Republicans will win majority of the House, Democrats will maintain a oh so slight majority in the Senate, and that the Tea Party victories will be less than many supporters and Democrats think. Of course with my track record, I wouldn't take anything to the bank.

I do predict that the Republican victories will lead to everyone kissing each other on the mouth and much proclamation of victory and so on and so forth. I forecast much of the same on the Democratic wins as well. I believe there will be much Kool-Aid drank tomorrow and everyone will claim to be a winner, winner chicken dinner; even the three or four Tea party folks.

I also predict many votes will be cast while the holding of the nose occurs, like our 8th congressional race in Missouri. P-U! I also predict that the "Puppy Mill" measure will pass because people can't say "No" to puppies or small children. Not even Republicans. I am very much against the amendment and think that it is a bad proposition, but most people won't take time enough to check into what it is all about, just give me the spoon-fed version and "Puppies! I love puppies" and it's a done deal.

I will leave you with one final thought and it is not a prediction, but a fact: God is in control. We can predict Doomsday and tell everyone that the sky is falling all we want to but it wont change that fact. We can cringe at outcomes and find ourselves in unbelief at peoples' ignorance or apathy, but God is still on the throne. As much as we fear the future due to "Hope and Change", campaign promises, and political outcomes tomorrow, still God is unchanged.

That is one thing that ALL parties can agree on; God is in control and He will not be surprised by any outcome tomorrow. And the wonderful thing is that even if some don't believe it, it will not change a thing for those of us that do; He is in control!

So get out and vote, early and often if you are in Illinois. Try to be civil to one another. And rest easier knowing that God is on top of things; regardless of amendment, proposition, or election.

Morning Ritual

I don't know about you, but I'm not a morning person. I awake easily, but really functioning is another story. I stumble around for a few minutes, brush my teeth, read my morning devotional, check my Email, and drink a couple glasses of tea before I really wake up. Not exactly efficient, but it is a routine that works for me.

Thinking about my morning routine led me to think about other's morning rituals. And as I think about other's rituals my focus moves from the physical activities to the mental and spiritual realm. Which leads to the question, What do we do to get our spiritual and mental selves ready for the day?

Breakfast fuels our body physically, even if its a Pop-Tart and a glass of tea. The nourishment we put into our body is important as to the pace we set for the day. Too much sugar and we may start out of the gate quicker, but will fade down the stretch. Too heavy of a breakfast may give us fuel in the long run, but makes getting started more difficult. While I know this isn't groundbreaking news, it sets up the question that was asked in the previous paragraph. What do we do to prepare for the day spiritually and mentally? Or do we just expect those aspects to evolve, if you will, as they may?

If you are a Christian, how do you prepare yourself for the day? After biscuits and gravy, do you give any thought to the spiritual battle ahead? Do you pray that God will accomplish His will through you this day? Do you pray to be a Christlike example to those you meet this day? Do you desire to lead someone to Christ or to tell someone about Jesus? Or do you just save that for Sunday? Is your job more important and more worthy of the majority of your shared focus? Maybe you will be a useful vessel and maybe not; it's not really your call anyway...

And for those who want to make the world a better place and all of those appropriate adages, how do you prepare to do such? Have you considered your responsibility in this area or are you merely a mouthpiece? Do you have an actual role in making your community better or is it just lip service for your mental resume? It is easier to pass along the concept of a better place and hope someone else picks up the slack, isn't it? No need in looking like an out of place freak or a cock-eyed optimist...

If you feel that you are a teacher or one who breeds ideas into others, what is your morning prep like? Will you talk AT people today or TO people today? Will you focus on listening to others so that you may learn also or do you already know most everything? After all you are the teacher.

Whatever your role in your community, I suggest that you take a couple of minutes to think about how well prepared you are. Think about your morning routines and if it is effective at accomplishing your goals or if it's just lip service. Ideas are like silver in the mine, but hard to spend unless there is some work in actually mining it.

If we really want to impact those around us, we need to take our responsibilities more serious. We can blame atheists, thieves, politicians, democrats, slackers, malcontents, so on and so forth for the problems of the world but the truth is that they are acting exactly as they are supposed to act if they are indeed any of the aforementioned peoples. The responsibility to change others lies in the hands of those who want change and desire to do what is right, not in those who aren't equipped to do such.

So consider your role in your community. Then decide if you will just eat your breakfast and leave the rest to chance. Decide if you REALLY want to make a difference or if it just sounds good to you. Only you can determine if you will standout, stand up, and be a catalyst for the positive; or if you will simply blend in with the crowd, like cattle in a boxcar.

Deja Vu All Over Again

It's been a while since I have done any blogging and I feel that now is as good of a time as any to start in again. But I am not planning on starting in where I left off. I do, however, want to start all over, so to speak.

I have contemplated canning the entire blog and it's entries in an effort to begin anew; but that seemed drastic. There were some good entries that I am proud of. Some of the "blogs" had some positives to offer to society. Some blog entries caused people to think about things differently than they had before. Some of the blogs represented who I am and how I think, and most of you know that that is different in it's own sense.

But as I thought about other entries, I realized that many entries were polarizing to some people. I realized that just because I feel right in my own opinion, that I don't always need to verbally brow-beat others into buying into my school of thought. I can tell you that my intentions were pure and that I want to make the world a better place, to borrow an overused adage, but that doesn't always excuse my efforts. The end is not justified by the means. Regardless of how passionately I feel about issues, people, and things in general.

Also I discovered that even in the ugly blog entries, that they do represent who I am: an intense, passionate, hard-headed, flawed, hopeful, frustrated, angry, rebellious, caring, loyal, thoughtful, over-powering, over-bearing, opinionated man who wants to leave a mark everywhere that I have been. All of these traits are mine and to rationalize and make excuses for the bad traits only weaken and discredit my better traits, so there are no apologies offered.

But what I do want to submit are views from that same flawed person, but in a different light. I want to unite more than divide. I want to learn as much as I teach. I desire not only to understand opposing views better, but to acknowledge that they are as genuine as those view of my own. I want to show my own growth as an individual. That is why I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, so that not only myself, but everyone interested, can see the change.

I'm not promising drastic change in many of my opinions. God is always first and the Bible is my standard. I'm still very conservative and will still vote Republican in most elections. I'm still frustrated with the church and I still think most people are ignorant due to apathy and laziness. I detest most pop-culture and I'm still a little crotchety. But in my approach to how I express these emotions is where I hope that the difference will be seen.

So I hopr that you look forward to a few new posts very soon. Let me know what you think and hold me accountable to my pledge, as difficult as that may be. Work with me to unite different opinions and cultures so that we truly will be better people in a better place.

Where To Begin?

I have some things on my mind and I don't feel that there is really a very good place to begin; at least not in a concise and compelling manner. So as I often do, I will "jump right in":

I am wanting to start a series, for lack of a better word, on morals, principles, philosophies, ethics, and the like. My mind has been on these issues lately; or much more than usual, as I often consider this subject. It is something that we all posess, even if we do not realize that we have such moral code.

Many of us feel as if we have the adopted the moral code of our city, state, and government. The civic code, which is law, is understood and for the most part obeyed. But what about this, "for the most part" thing? How many of us consider obeying the laws as being part of our own personal moral code? And if we do consider our code to be as such, then do we break our own personal code or the civic persoanl code when we drive 60 miles an hour in a 55 miles per hour zone? And can the two be seperated at this point? Only if your persoanl code of morals is that you "basically" follow the general rules of society. But then it must be decided which rules are acceptable to be broken. And I'm not considering speding down the highway with a dying child or expecting mother, even thought that is still breaking the civic code, and possibly persoanl code, regardless of situation or consequence. Is there even an accurate answer?

And is anyone following me? I must admit that I know just enough to be dangerous in this area; and I don't know enough to accurately teach or even explain myself. So I really am asking questions here. I am just "throwing this out there" for anyone interested to think about. I also understand that we haven't defined any terminology here, and that you, the reader, are really at my mercy; and that I can slightly bend the words in my favor. I can choose when to be absolute or literal, and when each word fits my purpose. And that makes me wonder, "How does this play into my persoanl code of morals and ethics?"

And consider religion as well. Not only does civic morals, or laws, shap our individual moral code, but our religion does as well. And as we treat our civic laws and determine when, where, and to what extent we can break such laws; we behave in a manner as such in our religious code. We may call ourselves Christians, but very few of us adhere to what we believe to be true. And I am not considering sin, just as I was not consiodering crime; I am wanting to focus more on what we truly believe, and how much we understand what we say that we believe.

I know this is a messy can of worms, but I do think that it is an important study, for lack of a better word. To often in our society we say one thing then do another, never really considering the consequences. Too often we make ourselves our own little mayors and congressmen, and gods; justifying what rule we can break and when we can break it. I don't think that we can deal in absolutes here, but I do propose that we can try to get a little closer to that point. Morals and ethics do not make us, we make them in order to understand and explain ourselves; and to better understand and live with our fellow man.

And this is far as I have gotten in terms of an introduction. As you can tell, it is not exactly planned out, but i hope you get the gist of what I am considering and if it will be a worthwhile endeavor. I would appreciate any feedback!

Go Colts!

Just some random thoughts for today which is mostly football:

How can anyone be surprised by Brett Favre throwing a game-costing interception? This is not even close to being the first time this has happened, but I sure hope it is the last. And it is amazing to me that people still give Favre a break and say that it was his competitiveness that casued him to make that season ending pass. Really? It sure looked like a stupid play to me. And I think everyone on the field, minus the kickers, were in competitive mode yesterday. Did competetiveness casue Peterson to fumble all day? Will he get a free pass like Favre has his entire career?

I personally think that it is a team sport, minus the kickers, and that you win and lose as a team. But Favre gets all of the glory and all of the credit when they win, so maybe he should get more balme when they lose; afterall he is the only player on the field according to the announcers or ESPN.

And he is the all time interception leader, but that is not mentioned too much. And the excuse is that if you play for 20 years, you will have more picks than other QBs; but the logic is not constant when applied to total yardage. He has the total yardage because he is so great but the interceptions becasue of the years played. I don't think even calculus can answer this one.

And the Saints? I find it hard to root for a team that encourages their fans to use broken english or pseudo-french jibberish as any type of rally cry. Way past annoying, if you ask me.

But the worse thing about the Saints is that we will have to live the Hurrican Katrina debacle over and over, at least twenty more times. And did you know that Katrina was the only major Hurrican to ever hit the U.S. Actually, the Hurricane didn't hit New Orleans, the "swell" from the storm devestating the coast of Mississippi flooded New Orleans. I guess that's what happens when you live on the sea and under sea level. And when you don't spen your money ona flood prevention necasue the "gubment" will bail you out so you can spend your money on beads and boobies and muddy coffee. Who dat gonna fix dem levees?

Yeah, the NFC championship was a game of gut wrenching proprtions for me. I didn't want eiother team to score. And there are too many reasons to mention here, but you get the gist from the first few paragraphs.

So I am, "Go Colts!" from here on out. I do wonder when that, "resting the players and forfeting the perfect season" thing will kick in. Im sure most thought it was this week agaionst the Jets, who by the way, have a great future! I wonder if the week off will hurt the Colts? I wonder if pulling the players from the Pro Bowl will cost the Colts the SuperBowl? I'm sure that I don't know; I can't even figure out why a man who wins one SuperBowl and loses another is so much better than other good QBs. Makes being a legend as credible as the Nobel Peace Prize if you ask me.

And I will end by saying that I will vote for the Colts coaching staff for public office if they ever decide to run. They seem to know that soemtimes it is best to do nothing instead of pretending to look busy; and that if it aint broken, don't fix it. If only our politicians would use such philosophies. Less can be more. As long as it isn't on the final scoreboard!

Have a great week and Go Colts!